I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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