i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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