I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
