I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
