You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
