I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
