lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
