I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
