Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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