Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
