last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
