i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
