Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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