I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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