i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
