Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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