I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
