I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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