It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
