I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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