I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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