Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
