After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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