She's JV to your varsity
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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