I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
