so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
