Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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