i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
