I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
