Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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