Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
