Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
