woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
