why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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