i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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