I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
