so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
