I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
