dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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