he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
