Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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