there was a trapeze. enough said
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
ttyl tear gas
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
