help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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