so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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