fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
