I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
