I wish I only lived at night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
