I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we're making bets on your personal life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
