I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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