Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
