I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
