I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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