i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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