Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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