Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
